Profiling the profilers
by dropsofjupiterxo
Summary: Strauss is sick of the team lying, so she calls in the Lightman group, who discover just how many secrets are hidden within the team of BAU profilers.
1. Chapter 1

QUICK NOTE.

'Lightman group' is from Lie to me, you will better understand this fic if you have watched lie to me.

However, if not, the Lightman group is run by Cal Lightman, and he works with Dr Gillian Foster and Ria Torres. They use their skills to read peoples micro-expressions, and are able to easily suss out if somebody is lying or telling the truth or what emotions are going through them as they speak by the small expressions on their face.

This is JUST the basics of it, if you want to really get to know the characters of lie to me, either watch an episode or wiki them :)

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'Hotchner. You do not get another say in the matter, Over the last five years of the BAU your team mates have gone through hard times, and i am sick of them lying their way through psych evaluations.' Strauss stared at Hotch, who stared back, their gazes hard and unforgiving.  
'We are fine as a team, we do not need the Lightman group in to deal with us.' Hotch replied, trying to keep his voice as level as he possibly could, although it was hard given the circumstances.  
'You do not get a say. Cal Lightman and the rest of his group will be here in one hour.' Strauss pursed her lips. 'They will finally be able to get some answers out of you and your team, i will then judge for myself whether or not some members are fit to be working.' Hotch knew she was referring to Spencer, who two months previous had watched Maeve be murdered by her stalker.  
'Yes Ma'am.' Strauss nodded then, and got up to leave.  
'Oh, and Hotchner?' Hotch held Strauss' gaze firmly. 'They'll also be asking questions on other suspicions of mine. Remember, every action, or lack of action - has a consequence.' Strauss walked out then, and Hotch watched as the team went back to pretending to work.

*** ONE HOUR LATER ***

'So, we're interviewing each member of the BAU team?' Torres murmured quietly too Foster, who quickly nodded.  
'Since they're profilers, they lie their way through every psych eval, we've been called in so we can get the truth from their face.' Foster nodded at a few employees in the unit, her connections in the FBI meant they had a good working bond - most of the time.  
'Y'know, Foster. I thought we had finally broke up with the FBI.'Lightman exclaimed, causing agents to stare at them.  
'Yes, Lightman. We did. But since wherever you go you tend too leave a path of destruction and brutal honesty which comes across as arrogance, and in your case, may very well be arrogance, we are forced to continue to get back together with them.' Foster snapped back, glaring at Lightman who walked proudly in front.  
'Ah, The Lightman Group, very pleased too meet you.' Strauss extended her hand towards Lightman, who ignored it as if she wasn't even there, Foster stepped in front and shook her hand politely. 'You must be Dr Gillian Foster, and this is Ria Torres?'  
'Yes Ma'am. call me Foster, let me apologize for Dr Lightman, he is rather pre-occupied right now.' Fosters eyes traveled to the bullpen of the BAU, where Lightman stood staring at each person.  
'That's fine. The team are in the conference room, you can take each one out and use the interrogation room - which is just down the hall - to interview them.'  
'Thank you Ma'am.' Foster gave a polite nod, followed by Torres, as they caught up with Lightman.  
'Jesus, Cal, do you just try to be an asshole?' Foster asked, irritated by his lack of concern for others.  
Lightman stayed silent for a moment, before pointing at a man across the room from them, who was on the phone. 'What do you see?' he simply asked.  
Foster and Torres glanced over at the man across the room. Torres was the first too speak.  
'Anger. His face keeps turning into a snarl which he is doing his best to mask.'  
'Good. But is it anger for the person on the phone, or the person the two are talking about on the phone?' Lightman asked.  
Torres paused, she was not able to answer this question without hearing the conversation, but Lightman was staring expectantly at her.  
'I-' Lightman raised his eyebrows, and tilted his head slightly.  
'It was rhetorical.' Lightman seemed amused, Torres' face remained a mask of utter confusion. 'These people are above all else, agents. They have seen things you would not imagine, so do not mistake looks of Anger and Contempt to be aimed at what you are speaking about. Ask more questions. Be sure.' Lightman walked up the ramp to the conference room now, aware that the team had been staring at them all in the bullpen.

'Hello agents.' Lightman said confidently, 'Are you ready to be profiled by a better profiler than yourselves?' He smiled, as Torres and Foster rolled their eyes.

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PLEASE REVIEW! need to know whether its worth carrying on :')


	2. Chapter 2

Cal let his eyes swivel around the room, he took in each profiler sitting at the round table.  
First, his eyes dropped on the African-American man, this must be Derek Morgan. He seemed irritated, very alpha-male. Hasn't actually got laid in a while, no matter how he comes across. Next, an older looking woman, Alex Blake. She seemed unfazed by Lightman, she tilted her head slightly, she was attempting to profile his confident demeanor and decide whether it was real or fake.  
Then, a straight faced man, Aaron Hotchner. He glanced at each team member, Lightman noticed the man seemed worried, Hotchners gaze lingered on one team member in particular, Lightman followed the gaze.  
A thin, tall man with greasy hair. Spencer Reid. He was shaking, while tapping his fingers on the side of a cup of coffee, he seemed tired. The coffee was more interesting to him than this.  
Next to him sat a blonde haired pretty woman - Jennifer Jareau. The liaison, he noticed that she put her hand on Spencers shoulder gently, she was undeniably a mother.  
On the other side of her sat an older man, wearing an expensive suit - David Rossi. He twitched his lips a bit and looked uncomfortable, but then they all did.  
Lastly, a colorful blonde woman sat next to Rossi, she was wearing an assortment of colors, Penelope Garcia, insecure for sure.

'Well. My little BAU friends, i think... ill speak too..' Lightman trailed off, covered his eyes with his hands and moved his finger back and forth like a child would in a game. 'You.' He uncovered his eyes, and his finger had landed on Derek Morgan, and on Lightmans voice, had stood up and made his way towards him, and together they descended too the Interrogation room, followed by Torres and Foster.

***INTERROGATION ROOM***  
Morgan sat at the desk, Lightman hadn't come in yet since he made him sit down. Morgan felt uncomfortable, the last time he was sat in a chair like this, he was being accused of murder and... he stopped mid-thought. He couldn't open that door right now. Not today of all days, but it was coming close to the date of it all, and he couldn't help but let his brain wander there.

Torres, Foster, and Lightman stood on the other side of the glass, monitoring Derek Morgan.  
'Did you see that?' Torres asked.  
Foster turned her head towards Torres.'Yes, whatever he just thought about made him deeply uncomfortable and afraid.'  
'More fun for me.' Cal said bemused.  
'Go easy on them, Cal. They do a lot for our country.' Foster reprimanded gently, Cal rolled his eyes and opened the door to the interrogation room.  
Cal sat in the chair opposite Derek. 'So, Derek Morgan.' Lightman slouched into his chair, keeping his eyes locked onto Morgans; you couldn't let alpha-males win. 'How are you?' He knew the small-talk would get too Morgan.  
Derek held the eye contact fiercely, he would not back down. 'Fine.' His tone was sharp and had no emotion in it, which made Lightman smile to himself.

'A programmed response.' Torres murmured. 'Meaning, things have not been fine for his whole life'  
'By the looks of it, Cal has noticed too.' Foster whispered back.

'Oh really?' Lightman leaned forward. 'How was your childhood?' He saw Morgan freeze only for a second, before composing himself. Lightman mused this silently to himself, most likely this man had suffered from a trauma.

'Trauma?' Foster suggested to Torres.  
'By the look of it, abuse of some sort i guess?' 'Could be.'

'It was average.' Morgan replied. 'Tell me about it?'  
Morgan paused, 'My dad died when i was young.' Lightman studied his face, he saw deep sadness present in Dereks features but he knew the trauma would present slightly differently.

'Well, his fathers death certainly wasn't the trauma, his face portrayed sadness but his lips weren't pursed and his muscles remained relaxed.'  
'No doubt Lightman is going to try and crack this before he moves on.' Foster regarded.

'I was with gangs for a while, before getting into..' Morgan stumbled over his thoughts, causing him to hesitate. '..Football.' Lightman noticed it, and so did Torres and Foster, the hesitation had lasted for half a second but stood out from the rest of the confident conversation; this was where the trauma stemmed from. Derek had unconsciously pursed his lips, clenched his jaw and broke eye contact, all in the space of half a second. Perfect.  
'Did you enjoy football?' Lightman replied, emphasizing the 'enjoy', he was rewarded with a flinch from Morgan.  
Morgan was floundered, he knew what Lightman was implying. 'I had no opinion on it.'  
'But if you played it, you must have enjoyed it?'  
'It was okay.'  
'Just ok?'  
'Yes' Morgans voice has raised an octave, he looked uncomfortable, Lightman then realized the trauma easily, and immediately felt sorry for the man.

'Sexual abuse.' Torres sounded surprised.  
'Tough alpha-male.. it does make sense.'  
'How so?' Torres looked at Foster.  
'Think about it, he was most likely sexually abused by a man, lessening his masculinity. He then spent the rest of his life proving to himself he was not gay, sleeping with women, drinking at bars, body-building.. Common characteristics of many sexually abused men.'  
'So the alpha-male persona is too fool himself into thinking he is over what happened?'  
'Basically.'

'Ok...' Lightman studied Morgan and realized the sexual abuse was the reason for the alpha-male facade, if you can sleep with many women then you must be straight - Right? He knew Morgan was worried that he way gay, he was ashamed that he found men sexually gratifying due too his abuse. 'Do you like working at the BAU?'  
Morgan was thankful for the swift change of topic. 'I don't like what i see, but i like the feeling i get when I'm able to save someone, although its not always so easy.' Morgans lips relaxed and his fists clenched on the table.  
'What about the people you work with, do you like them?'  
'They're my family.' Lightman noticed misplaced worry, the expression hadn't fit what he had said.

'Worry?' Foster pondered.  
'It had no relation to the conversation, meaning something deeper is going on within the team. You see the way his eyebrows have come slightly more together? And how he looked down and then back up, something is troubling him deeply.'

'Any concerns about any of them?' Lightman asked lightly.  
'No.' Morgan rebounded the question.  
'What do you think about...' Cal paused, not wanting to give the game away; he didn't want Morgan to realize and become impassive. 'Hotch?'  
'I respect him, he has been through a lot, although I'm sure you'll hear about that in his interview.' 'Fair enough, how about..' Cal flipped open a file and flicked through the pages, as if randomly picking a name. 'Spencer Reid?'  
Morgan flinched.

'Pass me Spencer Reids file, Torres?' Foster asked politely.  
'Sure.' Torres passed over the file, and watched as Foster flipped open the file and begun reading.  
'He took some leave a few years ago for a month, two months ago he took two weeks leave again.' Foster read out, concerned.  
'Did you see him at the table? He seemed troubled.'  
Foster continued reading. 'The leave two months ago had grief down as his reason of absence.'  
'Cal is going to pick him next for sure.'

Morgan stared at Cal, he realized he had given Reid away by his reaction, he really didn't need the kid getting in any more trouble. 'He is strong-willed and intelligent. A close friend.' 'No concerns?' Cal lightly asked.  
'None at all.' Morgan put a blunt end to the conversation.  
'Ok... What about you then? Alcohol abuse?'  
'None. I have the odd glass of whiskey, my bar hopping days are done.' Morgan joked.  
Cal chuckled. 'Married? Single?'  
'Surely it has that in my record.'  
'Yes, but i want you to say it.'  
'Single.'  
'Why?' Cal fired quickly.  
'Haven't found that special someone.' Cal stared at him for five minutes before nodding. 'Nothing good about marriage, I'm divorced and paying my wife heaps for no particular reason.'  
Morgan smiled. 'Any kids?'  
'A daughter who drives me insane and bleeds me dry.' Cal smiled. 'What about you?'  
'No kids.'  
'Do you want kids?'  
'Yeah i guess.'  
Cal nodded. 'Drug abuse? Steroid for that matter?' He moved his eye up and down Morgans muscled body.  
Morgan chuckled. 'Nope.'  
'Well! Ok then. We're done here, unless you have a terribly dark secret you would like to spill?'  
'Nope.'  
'Off you go, then.' Morgan stood, shook Cals hand and walked out quickly.


End file.
